| "Passing the Torch"
Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable
for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can
become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug,
"It's their life," and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting
for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When
do you stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the
accident stage..." My mother just smiled faintly and said
nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom
and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the
class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to
read my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry. They all go through this
stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My mother
listened and said nothing...
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the
phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A
friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry in a
few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults."
By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being vulnerable. I
was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle.
There was nothing I could do about it.
I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their
frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said
that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own
life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's wan
smile and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Call me
the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is
concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail
of human frailties the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or
is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me,
"Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered.
I was worried."
I smiled a wan smile. The torch has been passed.
IS IT TIME FOR YOU TO "PASS THE TORCH?" |