THE AWAKENING ~ Author Unknown        

    A time comes in your life when you  finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop  dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out -  ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a  child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you  shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of  wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
 
    You realize that it's time to stop  hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and  security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with  the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that  in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or  beginnings for that matter).  And that any guarantee of "happily ever  after" must begin with YOU, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
 
    You awaken to the fact that you are  not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve  of who or what you are and it's OK.  (They are entitled to their own  views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing  yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of  self-approval.

    You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself  and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
 
    You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people (and yourself) as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace and  contentment is born of forgiveness.

    You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.  And you  begin to sift through all the misinformation you've been fed about how you should  behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear,  where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of  having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
 
    You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.  You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and  values you've outgrown, and put into place those you know are right for you. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs often get burned at the stake.

    Then you learn about love, Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.
 
    You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying  [or wanting] to control people, situations, and outcomes.  You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy. And, you learn that being 'alone' does not have to mean being lonely.

    And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 8 or a perfect 12 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.
 
    You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly O.K. . . . that it is your right to want things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness,  sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

    And you learn that your body really is your temple.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more  water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest.  And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

    You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is  worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.  More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
 
    You also learn that no one can do it all alone and it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You  learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that  whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

    You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve,  and that sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God  isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with "evil" in its most primal state - the ego.
 
    You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.  You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

    You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things you take for granted, things that  millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: A full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.   

    Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than  your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.  And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

    Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin, as best as you can, to design the life you want to  live.

Provided by Shirley Massie

LETTING GO OF OLD PAIN  ... Thoughts by Sally Pearson

I am so glad you have been able to let go of some of the pain and hurt - I don't mean that you have forgotten it - that's entirely different - but by being able to let a little of it go just a tiny bit at a time, you have been able to actually look at it and sort of walk by it - it's a very uplifting feeling and it frees you from the terrible burden of carrying it with you every day and night all the time - which almost feels like being at the bottom of a swimming pool, still alive but with all that water holding you down so that you are unable to come up for fresh air.  And now you have figured out how to quit flailing around in the pool, and float easily to the top where fresh air is all around you.  The heaviness is no longer there.

Your son is next. He has the biggest burden of all and he is on the bottom of the pool barely breathing from all the weight of the water - but he will find his way too - he may not know it but your other son will show him.

I am so proud of you and so happy FOR you.  You can do anything you want to do, change anything you want to change, and show others how like I am showing you - that feels darn good too!!!
 

Seasons & Reasons

Thank them for being a part of your life.

The Loss of My Little Angels

By Kathy Groner (A mother who has lost 5 babies to miscarriage)

For just a short moment

I knew you were here.

Tiny angels sent by Father in Heaven

For me to love and nurture

The stirrings of life so briefly felt

As a butterfly fluttering within

The happy joy of knowing that I shared

With Father in Heaven that moment of creation

Of new life within.

So quickly taken from me.

The memory of your sweet spirits

That I carried close to my heart

And shared with you the very blood of life

Connecting you to me

Not only by body – but by spirit as well.

How I long to hold you close

To smell your sweetness

To feel of the spirit God placed within you.

To care for you, nurture you

To share in your hopes and dreams.

But, such is not the case

For He had such wonderful other plans for you

So many other things to teach you.

It is hard to believe sometimes when the darkness seems great

To understand that there really was a purpose in this all.

And yet, I find peace within,

Knowing that you have reached

The perfection that you needed

On your brief sojourn on earth

To return for eternity to your Father In Heaven.

How my heart joyously sings for you

And for the pain you will not have to face on this earth.

To know that you are learning and growing

And becoming what God intended you to be.

So, wait for me my children,

Stay close by me and let me feel your love.

Help me to remember that the only way

That I can hold you in my arms one day

Is to stay worthy to be with you again.

For now, I find peace in knowing

That my own parents and loved ones

Hold you in their arms

As you hold the hand of the Father

Waiting for our glorious reunion one day.

For today, I lay aside my pain and sorrow  

And plan for the tomorrows of eternity,

 1986       Kathy Groner